Today could be the day that I’m done with SnuggleFist, have it sent off so can focus more on the important work at hand. Been working on Eater of Dreams now for nearly 10 years. And to work on something this dark I have to be in the proper mindset, which is the furthest into the abyss one can be without becoming the darkness of the nothingness. It is literal madness. But that is okay, not like the world out there is looking all that bright.
Believe tomorrow is the inauguration of our turd sandwich – or is it the douche? As you can tell I’m anything but political. If I saw our ‘new’ president walking down the street I probably wouldn’t recognize him, especially with a mask on. And I wouldn’t give two flying ducks. Just a temporary employee in a permanent establishment. I would have recognized Trump with his distinguished hair do, but still wouldn’t care.
Some have labeled me a nihilist in the not-to-distant past, but that is far from the truth. Consider myself a rather deeply spiritual person free from the shackles of religious dogma. I interact mostly with the dream world, what I consider my true ‘education’.
But last night class must not have been in session, or maybe I’ve been too extracurricular, for it was mostly just a blank up until the end when I dreamed I ate those last two tabs of acid. Guess one could call it a user dream, but I have LSD dreams just about every night because I’ve had so much of it in my ‘waking’ life.
I’ve tried to explain to people that to me, for my mental ‘illness’ if that is what one chooses to call it, but don’t think the true magnitude is expressed. I truly don’t believe that I am mentally ill, that how I think & perceive the world around me is how I am supposed to take it in & respond to as well. The world is fucked up to me, and lysergic acid diethylamide allows me to make sense of all the nonsense. It is the only time I feel ‘normal’.
I don’t smoke much weed. I call it weed; some call it pot, marijuana, or cannabis. But last night I just wanted ‘out’ of this terrible existence & tried to see if I could simply smoke myself into a blank state of nothing & possibly getting rid of some of the hours I’d have to be in this prison house. Eyes were shot, couldn’t stare at the computer screen any longer, and playing drums in the studio seemed counter…. Whatever. So I went up into the coffin room, put on some music, closed my eyes to accomplify the mission only to be awaken by the reptile snores.
Yes, the old schizophrenic ideals are coming back, and even those closest to me are beginning to reveal themselves. The hilarious thing about it all is that they think that their camouflage is still working, that the scales beneath the thin rubberized skin is not visible. But not only do they have the blood of reptile, but their small, undeveloped reptilian brains are not intelligent enough to see this smile is as fake as they are…..
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